Private

I have only once seen another man erect (P) and only one man has ever seen me erect (R).

I am heterosexual yet I have homosexual moments, so I think this a lack.

(I have read that it is better to be handjobbed by a man rather than a woman, because he is on native territory and knows better what he is doing.)

If --Heaven forbid! -- I knew that I were to die in x months, I'd probably want (no, I'd certainly want, the probability applies to doing it) to make up this and other sexual lacks, even at some expense.

Masturbation

Sin?
If so, I have been damned all my life. I need now to be able to do it more, better.
I could not have got through the misery of C. or that of my first teaching years at S. without it.